I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Randomize
