I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
Randomize
