i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
No subtext here. People are naked.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
Randomize
