I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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