oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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