tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
Watching her eat just hurts me
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
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