Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
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