i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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