I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
Last time i carry you out of a forest
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
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