When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
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