he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
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