Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
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