these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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