"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
I will pee on everything he values.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
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