you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
