She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Randomize
