# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
I currently don't understand fingers.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Randomize
