Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
