Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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