I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
Randomize
