Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Randomize
