im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
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