so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Randomize
