girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
