i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Randomize
