i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
