I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
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