i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
