a queef is a wish your heart makes.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Randomize
