I can't breathe out the right side of my face
I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Randomize
