..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
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