Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
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