Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Randomize
