ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
