sarcasm needs its own font
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
Randomize
