I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
I will pee on everything he values.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
These tits shall not be calmed
Randomize
