I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Randomize
