I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
