3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize
