all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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