Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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