Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
