Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
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