3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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