If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Randomize
