he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Randomize
