She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
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