I heard we made out
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
