Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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