it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
