I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
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